I have back pain. It’s Thanksgiving. I have spent most of my wonderful rare four days off in bed. I connected with a beautiful lady and partner in a course by chance. She asked how I was doing. I explained the exhaustion of the pain in my back that caused shallow breathing and being tense and exhausted.
She did her healing and said I was 30% healed but it would take 2 to 3 more days once the emotions release the pain.
Truth be known, at first I thought “I am so happy in my life, what emotions need to be released?”
Then it came to me. I heard nothing from my children in the past month. And even so nothing about getting together on Thanksgiving. Or even a Happy Thanksgiving wishes on the day.
My parents were away and I was babysitting their kitten. My sisters were busy. All good. But I missed hearing from my children. Even ONE of them saying… hey mom… how are you and Happy Thanksgiving. I felt an emptiness.
Having said that… I guess subconsciously I was feeling those emotions that slowed my healing.
Knowing this now I need to realize that my children cannot be part of my psychotic love. I need to move forward in knowing they are fine and let go….. let go.
Then the healing begins….
Okay, so I am reading an amazing book called Taming Your Gremlin by Rick Carson. Amazing because it really opens up your mind to realizing the voices that have been built up in your head. Rick calls them Gremlins. I like that. I loved the movie. My favorite part of the movie thought was when the Gremlin was cute a fluffy. Then the ones that ate after midnight and turned ugly spooked me. I know. I was 22 when I saw it. How can a 15 year old be scared of the transformed Gremlins? I think this was because at that time of my life my real internal Gremlin was growing. The nasty one. The one I told not to eat after midnight. But did anyway and became a CCK and a Troll and my now life.
Troll little Napolean syndrome kind of gremlin
One of two gremlins in my life
I sketched these Gremlins. Some people have only one, but I have two. One is the one that reminds me of bigger issues in my life of failure which I have called as an acronym CCK. The other one is the one that causes me grief about the small things. He has a Napolean issue, and he’s called Troll. I am now simply observing them. I lie. I am learning to simply observe them. Some would think the CCK is more powerful, but the Troll is pretty bad because if the CCK is after my mind, the Troll kicks in to make me forget about the bigger things in life that matter to take of by veering my attention to the small stuff that you shouldn’t sweat to begin with.
I will continue on this subject later. I have meditation to do. 🙂 Thanks for reading…. more to come. Oh, and yes, these are my Gremlins. Feel free to share yours!!!!