I Miss Me More

I just love this song, and I think everyone who has been in one of “those” relationships should listen to it!! I can’t say I didn’t miss him when I first left him, but I CAN tell you that after some time I did realise, that as much as I had missed him, I missed me more!! And I am so happy that I am with me again!!  Enjoy the song!!


 

Glad I didn’t Know

I remember the first time he fell deep in love with someone else.  It was weird.  I had a 2, 4 and 8 year old… Lots of songs went through my head.  I will share a few.  But this one I love so much.  Possibly because 15 years after my divorce, and after our 10th year when he fell in love with someone else at the same time Garth Brooks did same and I was no liking Garth for his infidelity with his now wife, but I get it now.  We are not always meant to be forever.  But this song?  It is true for my life… I wouldn’t have changed a thing… but glad I didn’t know.

Affairs… Apparently can be healed. Can it if it was the Sister?

Wish I had heard this years ago… LOL   She is brillliant in hitting the points of affairs.  And too how to resolve if you REALLY want to and how some see divorce as a way out to freedom.  All felt, but fought, but this is just as true!  Some things are not dealt with… including parents and children when it it about family. When the affair wanders to a sister and the a son knows more than a mother about it through his cousin… I am so happy to be single… saddest moment is when my children were told they would not have two parents together.. but truth be known, my eldest said it was for the best.  I am so happy single.  I did not connect with another person and my children are still messed up about my sister and my ex…. as too my parents and my other two sisters… but after 15 years we are learning to adjust.  Christmas Eve was cancelled for the first time in tradition years, which mean forever.  I am happy.  I will spend it with someone who needs me.  And too my daughter is doing same.  I did that last year.  I bailed on my family.  I love my parents and my children and my two sisters.  Third one?  I just don’t want to see.   So I choose my happy now.  My Hampy.  But the video is truly smart and thoughtful.

]

Peter Pan and honesty

eye

The most part of releasing yourself of the whole psychotic love issue is to meet someone real.  Someone who is not going to judge you.  Someone you can find that fits proper in your life.  Now this is intesting.

MY PETER PAN ME SYNDROME THAT I LOVE AFTER THE MONEY FOCUS MAN 🙂

Two years after leaving my ex I met a great man.  Toy man. Off Roading, camping, you name it.  Appeared to not care about money… in the “money  money grab way…” BUT… he liked money and I believe that when I left him with a plan to see if money wasn’t the issue ( I had quite a bit at the time) , even if I love his Peter Pan attitude, he left me when I lost my money for his rich ex-girfriend…. life was a perfect of me finding my true Peter Pan…. I thought… but he wasn’t my true Peter Pan.  Peter Pan doesn’t care about money that way…. and let me say… that way.  It’s not a true Peter Pan.  Peter Pan doesn’t care if you have money.

To make things clear.  I did marry my Knight in Shining Armour.  He made things right for my children with him…  but Not ever again my “Prince in Shining Armour”… Joke… Pewk… Doesn’t exist.  I will not elaborate… (but as said…did birth 3 perfect children for him… LOL)  Birth vessel commitment done… move on…

So to my two year man… he was my best friend… was not my Peter Pan… he was “Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater, Had a Girlfriend Couldn’t Keep Her, Kept her in Pumpkin Shell and There He Did Not Keep Her Well”.  Still best friend, but it was a crazy jealousy issue too.  Still care for him, always a best friend… but that psychotic love ended… and with him, my psychotic love ended and then I looked for my true Peter Pan.

Two years ago I found my perfect fit… I thought.  And was at the time.  He just wanted to be with me.  He would send me text messages that reminded me of when I was a kid when I had a guy friend.  It wasn’t sexual (well… not out of choice… not to be shared here).  It was just like “wanna play butter cup?”  I loved his texts asking me to come over…

I am an adult of 50 something and that was awesome.  I’m like a Peter Pan female version.  Truth be known, my TBear was the first time I felt comfortable in my “adulting NOT” life.  I know I have responsibilities to my children, and to my retirement funds not to have my children have to deal with that, and all the insurance that goes along with this. I pay into it. But TBear was awesome. I didn’t have to feel all that.  We just hung out. It was awesome…. and he reminded me of a memory… of…

I remember when… Best friend like the one across the street or two doors down that asked to come and play when you were 7 years old.  Made me forget I had to worry about anything.  Okay, that 7 year old best friend was the same friend that put me under the bus when he found a Playboy magazine and asked me to look at it with him.  Yes, we were 7 and I don’t know where he found it, but his mother found us!! And he said I found the magazine… I took the hit…

But.. back to my story of TBear. I lost him.  He kept telling me he was dying and I laughed and told him to stop saying that.  I taught him to dance, took him out to dinner (he was reclusive), he met my parents, my children, I met his daughters.  He was my best Peter Pan ever.  Never wanted to grow up, but life made him.  I guess more of the movie that Peter Pan grew up in “Hook”.

I relate to it.  He had 3 daughters.  I have 2 boys and a daughter.

And both of us were miffed by parenthood and adulting, although we did it. Not perfectly, but we tried our best.

TBear made my life real, in the fact that I realized that all parents question everything we do to our children, but then live this world, in a divorce scenario, that Disney is not real, so we go back to our Peter Pan world.  I’m so okay with that.

In Hook he did it….  God bless Robin Williams…. that movie is all about adults getting back to Peter Pan.   Love it…

I like my freedom to do what I want when I want.  I did my part of being a mother and taking care of all that and this.  But my children are self-sufficient now.  They can live with me, I am okay with that,  but MY life is now mine.

And so I met a new Peter Pan… and he is just awesomely great company.  And he was with lost boys the whole time!  Who knew that Peter Pan actually exists without the Hook version.  Just one thing… now that I found my exactly right Peter Pan…  honest… run away… come back… free… when he shows up he does… doesnt’… K cool 🙂

I’ll spend time with you when you want… I found him…  the REAL Peter Pan

So, I like my Peter Pan. 🙂

Simple…….

No Psychotic Love in this friendship… just understanding… and simple honesty and that simplicity could actually work in a relationship… but seriously?… the word “relationship” is too scary… friendship is nicer… and ever better …. Peter Panners…. no commitment…. but always friendship… love this this.

Hugs R… This is dedicated to you… and Tbear…. simple best across the street friends, like it used to be… 😉

Cricket…. No else knows this… but I think R will find out.

It’s about honesty, freedom, friendship, and simplicity and never FORGET… FUN!!! 🙂

.. Peter Pan.

 

Last Time For Everything…

These are the things to remember when you feel down… no regrets.  The fun times will alway prevail. Last time for everything… including …. yes… last time… you get it!! 🙂  Love this video. Makes me smile.

Thoughts

Thoughts… they are wonderful. They make you ponder over so many feelings in life you have experienced. Psychotic love, in the case we are writing here, is one of incredible dimensions, of a building up to such a degree, that when it implodes (collapse or cause to collapse violently inward is the definition to this word 🙂 ) … it’s pathetically and painfully devastating. It actually takes years to heal. Oh so sad. But not really, because when it then EX-plodes, it gives you the realization that loving exists within. You just didn’t pick the right one! These comments are male/female friendly, because on this site we recognize that both sides can end up in one of these relationships.

I am a proud survivor of the psychotic love world. I lived it for 22 years, and it took 13 years to overcome it. Doing the math, this leaves me with, maybe, 20 more years of loving myself and enjoying the rest of my life free of that.

So BIG question that runs through my head. Do I want to love again? Can I trust myself to love again and not in a psychotic way?

That question is easy. No. The question is really “can I love again”. And then I know I can, but the bigger question is “can I find the right person who knows how to love me the same way I love myself, and me love that person back the same way”.

Do these questions torment me? Not at all. I have been on my own for 10 years. I have built trust in myself, to myself, and although I feel it is time to reach out and share my inner strength, I realize I’m not that strong when it comes to walking outside of myself.

The truth is, I’m afraid of love.

Welcome to Psychotic Love… a novel.. or such

Welcome to Psychotic Love. This is an introduction to a book by two sisters who have lived and survived the feelings of this psychological reality. One CAN love another human being psychotically and not even be aware of it until it’s been told to them.

As we go along we will introduce excerpts of the book.

The history of this copyrighted book is one that is telling.

In our journey through life we understood that there are many planes of love, but the psychotic kind dwarfs you and minimalizes you, without your cognizance at the onset, until you lose yourself.

Healthy thoughts of yourself are achievable after such a relationship. And this is the journey we want to take our readers on. Sharing the not so good but with humour and shared knowledge that true love is also achievable… because finding love of self is the beginning to the answer…. where true love, not psychotic love, resides.

🤗😊😉😎😊🤗