I’m Going Home

I felt alianeted when my last child left me to be with my ex husband.  I don’t blame her, but it was then time for me to find another home.  The problem is that I never really had a “home”… I moved so many times that I don’t know that I will ever find that “home”.   So this song means a lot to me.  My eldest son introduced it to me and after listening to it I will tell you my thoughts of what all still comes up. Next post will give the story of this song.

Last Time For Everything…

These are the things to remember when you feel down… no regrets.  The fun times will alway prevail. Last time for everything… including …. yes… last time… you get it!! 🙂  Love this video. Makes me smile.

Thoughts

Thoughts… they are wonderful. They make you ponder over so many feelings in life you have experienced. Psychotic love, in the case we are writing here, is one of incredible dimensions, of a building up to such a degree, that when it implodes (collapse or cause to collapse violently inward is the definition to this word 🙂 ) … it’s pathetically and painfully devastating. It actually takes years to heal. Oh so sad. But not really, because when it then EX-plodes, it gives you the realization that loving exists within. You just didn’t pick the right one! These comments are male/female friendly, because on this site we recognize that both sides can end up in one of these relationships.

I am a proud survivor of the psychotic love world. I lived it for 22 years, and it took 13 years to overcome it. Doing the math, this leaves me with, maybe, 20 more years of loving myself and enjoying the rest of my life free of that.

So BIG question that runs through my head. Do I want to love again? Can I trust myself to love again and not in a psychotic way?

That question is easy. No. The question is really “can I love again”. And then I know I can, but the bigger question is “can I find the right person who knows how to love me the same way I love myself, and me love that person back the same way”.

Do these questions torment me? Not at all. I have been on my own for 10 years. I have built trust in myself, to myself, and although I feel it is time to reach out and share my inner strength, I realize I’m not that strong when it comes to walking outside of myself.

The truth is, I’m afraid of love.